Step 1: Make a bad decision.
Step 2: Regret it in 4K.

This is how I became a national embarrassment in under five minutes. And the worst part? The trousers weren’t even mine.

Nollywood meme

THE SETUP: HOW I PLAYED MYSELF

It all started with Kolapo, a.k.a. “the friend who will disgrace you.”
I had a job interview that morning, and the only thing standing between me and my future was one good pair of trousers. My own? Gone. Spoiled by an unfortunate encounter with palm oil. (RIP, champion.)

Kolapo, in his usual overconfidence, hit me with the classic Nigerian setup for failure:
“Bro, no worry! E go fit you.”
Translation: “Your downfall is near.”

Did I listen to my inner voice screaming DON’T DO IT? No. I let vibes and desperation guide me.

THE FIRST RED FLAG I IGNORED

The moment I put the trousers on, I knew something was off.

  • They were tighter than the Nigerian economy.
  • The button was one deep breath away from snapping into another dimension.
  • Squatting? Impossible.

But I was already late, so I said the most dangerous words known to mankind:
“E go be.”

THE MOMENT MY DESTINY SHIFTED

I arrived at the office, gassed and ready to secure the bag. I greeted the receptionist, filled out my form, and was walking confidently when I heard:

📢 “EXCUSE ME, OGA! YOUR TROUSER DON TEAR FINISH!”

Ah.

I turned around very slowly—because I already knew. My spirit had left my body.

**THE WHOLE BACK SEAM HAD EXPLODED.**🚨
We’re talking maximum damage. It wasn’t just a tear—it was a gateway to the underworld (I wasn’t wearing an underwear).

The trousers had resigned from their job.

THE SECURITY GUARD THAT FINISHED ME

As if things weren’t bad enough, the security guard refused to keep it lowkey.
Instead, this man decided to shout my disgrace to the whole reception.

“AH AHH! See as hin yansh don open! Oga, you no fit enter inside like this o!”

A woman passing by held her child’s eyes. A cleaner stopped mopping. Even the receptionist gasped like I was wanted.

HOW TO BORROW CLOTHES WITHOUT DISGRACE (A SURVIVAL GUIDE)

Since I have suffered for the sins of borrowed trousers, here’s a guide so you don’t end up like me.

✅ Rule #1: If your friend says, “E go fit you”, RUN. They are lying.
✅ Rule #2: Always test with a squat before leaving the house. If you hear even the smallest “krrrrr”, just wear wrapper.
✅ Rule #3: Never trust trousers with a past. If they’ve survived multiple owambe parties and December Detty-ing, their time is up.

MORAL OF THE STORY

Some people learn life lessons the easy way. Others, like me, have to lose their dignity in public.

And to the random stranger who took a picture?
If I catch you, you go explain.

What’s the worst wardrobe disaster you’ve had? Drop your story in the comments because I need to know I’m not alone. 🤡😭

Hey Luv, Wait. Feel More Crackko Vibe:

For more wild, unforgettable stories, check out The ‘Oops!’ Chronicles on Crackko.

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