Silence? In Nigeria? Impossible.

Nigeria runs on three things: power struggles, pure vibes, and loud voices. Shouting isn’t just communication—it’s a survival instinct. From market hagglers to football watchers, from bus conductors to mothers shouting your full name from the kitchen, shouting is our national sport.

So, what happens if a law suddenly bans shouting for a full day? No yelling, no raising voices, no sharp ‘Ahh!’ in frustration. Absolute silence.

Would we survive? Would the country implode? Would Lagos traffic finally make sense? I needed answers, so I threw myself into the madness.

Patrick plotting gif

Hour 1: The Streets of Confusion

The first sign of disaster hit when I entered Balogun Market. Normally, you’d hear traders screaming “Sister, come buy!”, but today? Eerie silence. A tomato seller waved her hands dramatically like a football referee. A man buying pap resorted to snapping his fingers aggressively at the vendor.

It felt like someone had pressed mute on Nigeria. And it was deeply unsettling.

Hour 3: The Struggle is Real

Without shouting, basic things stopped working.

  • In traffic, instead of screaming “Oga move!”, drivers were flashing headlights aggressively like they were in Fast & Furious.
  • At home, mothers couldn’t yell “Off that generator!” Instead, they typed it on WhatsApp and sent it to the family group chat. The shock.
  • Football fans at viewing centers tried to celebrate a goal silently. One guy nearly exploded from holding in his “Goooooaaaaallllll!”

At this point, frustration was boiling.

Hour 6: The Breaking Point

When Nigerians can’t shout, they find other ways to shout.

  • One guy in traffic started banging his car roof aggressively like a talking drum.
  • A mother who couldn’t shout at her child for misbehaving in public wrote ‘I WILL DEAL WITH YOU AT HOME’ on a piece of paper.
  • In the market, a woman used a whistle to get customers’ attention. The thing sounded like a referee calling for a penalty.

That’s when I realized: Nigeria can’t survive this.

Hour 10: The Unexpected Twist

By evening, people had lost their minds.

Somewhere in Oshodi, a man accidentally shouted “Ahhh!” after stepping on a nail. Everyone froze. It was like he had committed treason.

LASTMA officials, deprived of their daily shouting quota, were seen sitting quietly on the roadside, looking depressed. One conductor gave up and started writing his insults on cardboard like a protester.

And then, it happened.

A Nigerian parent, unable to hold it in anymore, broke the rule. She turned to her child and screamed: “ARE YOU MAD?!”

And just like that, Nigeria rebooted.

Midnight: The Great Shouting Rebirth

At 12:00 AM, the ban lifted. And Nigeria did not waste time.

The first shout rang out like a siren. Then another. Then a thousand. By 12:05 AM, traffic was noisy again, markets were alive, and football fans were yelling like their lives depended on it.

Peace had returned.

The Verdict: Can Nigerians Survive Without Shouting?

NEVER. IMPOSSIBLE. DON’T EVEN TRY IT.

  • Nigerians communicate in capital letters. It’s who we are.
  • Shouting is our birthright. It is coded into our DNA.
  • We are not a people of silence. And that’s okay.

So, to anyone thinking of banning shouting again: we are not ready for that conversation. We will shout. We will continue shouting. Nigeria is shouting.

Would you survive a no-shouting challenge? Drop your thoughts in the comments!

If you love this article, you can read it’s twin piece here: What Would Happen If Lagos Banned Horns for a Day?

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