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My Enemies Are LaughingCancel Me SoftlyHoly Ghost, Who Dis?UncategorizedWhy TF...?Fits & Giggles
Nigerian Parties Will Kill You (And You’ll Still Go Back)
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Nigerian Parties Will Kill You (And You’ll Still Go Back)

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Last weekend, I survived a Nigerian house party. And I don’t mean “oh, it was lit.” I mean my obituary could’ve dropped that night. Friday night, my friend sends me…

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August 15, 2025
2 Min Read
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Why TF Is My Family WhatsApp Group Running a CIA Operation Over One Toe?
Why TF...?

Why TF Is My Family WhatsApp Group Running a CIA Operation Over One Toe?

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I posted one selfie. Just me. My glasses. My peace. …And apparently, a man’s toe. I should never have posted it. I knew. God Himself was whispering, “Don’t do it.”…

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August 14, 2025
3 Min Read
5aheek
They Tried to Cancel Me, Now I’m Charging Them an Appearance Fee
Cancel Me Softly

They Tried to Cancel Me, Now I’m Charging Them an Appearance Fee

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By the time they finished dragging me on Twitter, I had already: The thing about public shame is this — if you play it right, it’s just free marketing for…

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August 11, 2025
2 Min Read
5aheek
My Mother’s Pastor Told Her I’m Possessed (He Wasn’t Wrong)
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Holy Ghost, Who Dis?
August 7, 2025
2 Min Read

My Mother’s Pastor Told Her I’m Possessed (He Wasn’t Wrong)

The first time my mother’s pastor told her I was possessed, it wasn’t even during deliverance.He was mid-sermon. He just stopped, squinted at me like he was trying to recognize…

Continue Reading 5aheek
The group chat is laughing at me and I can’t even prove it.
My Enemies Are Laughing

The group chat is laughing at me and I can’t even prove it.

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In Nigeria, group chats don’t die — they mutate into smaller, meaner group chats without you. See ehn, paranoia is one thing. Being right is another.And me? I’m right like…

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August 6, 2025
3 Min Read
5aheek
I Don’t Think I Have Attachment Issues. I Just Cry When People Leave Me
My Enemies Are Laughing

I Don’t Think I Have Attachment Issues. I Just Cry When People Leave Me

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In Lagos, people don’t leave you. They vanish like they’re trying to win hide and seek with God. It started the day Mama Kemi closed her Indomie stand without warning….

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August 6, 2025
2 Min Read
5aheek
Why TF Does Everyone Suddenly Have a Soft Life But Me?
Why TF...?

Why TF Does Everyone Suddenly Have a Soft Life But Me?

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First of all, no seriously — where are you people seeing this money? Because I looked away for one second, and suddenly everyone’s posting sunsets with captions like “in my…

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August 4, 2025
2 Min Read
5aheek
I Prayed for Peace but All I Got Was Premonitions
Holy Ghost, Who Dis?

I Prayed for Peace but All I Got Was Premonitions

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I prayed for peace.I got premonitions.I said, “God, please calm my life down.”God said, “Cool. Let me show you something that’ll ruin your appetite.” It started small. I was doing…

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August 4, 2025
2 Min Read
5aheek
I Didn’t Forgive My Ex. I Just Got Hot and Moved On
Cancel Me Softly

I Didn’t Forgive My Ex. I Just Got Hot and Moved On

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Let’s be honest.I didn’t forgive him.I just became so fine, it started to look like healing. He cheated. Not even with someone threatening.Not a baddie. Not an influencer.A girl that…

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August 4, 2025
2 Min Read
5aheek
Crackko
Holy Ghost, Who Dis?

The Lord is My Shepherd but I Still Want to Fight

1

I Don’t Know What I Believe Anymore, But I Know I Need Peace. Some days I feel like I’m glitching.Like my body is logged in, but my soul is just…

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July 31, 2025
1 Min Read
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