What Happened When I Ate Only Street Food for 72 Hours: A Chaotic Diary

Day 1: Na Who Send Me Work?

They say street food is the soul of Lagos, but trust me, Lagos street food is also the spirit, body, and occasional near-death experience. Armed with 2K cash and Olympic-level bargaining skills, I began my journey. First stop: the suya joint.

“Small pepper,” I said with the confidence of someone who doesn’t know better. The suya man just chuckled. That should’ve been my first red flag. Two bites in, I was fighting for my life. My tongue was hosting a pepper-induced concert, and the headliner was Tear Gas Reloaded. Lesson one: never trust a Lagos vendor’s definition of “small.”

Day 2: Akara Palava and Puff-Puff Madness

Breakfast was akara and pap—classic, right? Wrong. The akara woman measured out my 300 Naira portion like she was dividing her inheritance. “Madam, add jara,” I begged, but her bombastic side-eye alone could cut onions. The pap? Thick enough to double as concrete mix.

By lunch, I’d graduated to bole (roasted plantain) with fish. The vendor swore the pepper was mild. Lies. Halfway through, my lips were on fire, and my soul was contemplating relocation. At this point, I realized Lagos street food isn’t just sustenance—it’s an extreme sport.

Day 3: Jollof Wins and Suya Drama

My Day 3 mantra: Omo, we die here. Lunch was jollof rice and moimoi. The jollof slapped harder than a Burna Boy hook, and the moimoi? A soft, spongy piece of heaven. For a brief moment, I forgot the pepper PTSD. But dinner brought me back to reality: another round of suya.

This time, I played it smart and brought backup—pure water and a chilled drink. The suya was spicy, yes, but manageable. As I chewed, I felt like I’d finally cracked the code. Street food was no longer my enemy. Or so I thought.

The Twist: The Bushmeat Chronicles

Just when I thought I’d seen it all, a street vendor offered me an “exotic” delicacy. “You go like am,” he said, smiling like he knew something I didn’t. I tasted it. It tasted me back. Google later told me I might have eaten snake. Lagos, why?

Outro: Lessons From the Street

72 hours later, I had spicy memories, an iron stomach, and a new respect for Lagos street vendors. Here’s your guide to surviving a street food adventure:

• Come correct: Small change is your best friend.
• Stay hydrated: Lagos pepper doesn’t play.
• Negotiate with vibes: The aunties respect confidence, not desperation.
• Know your limits: If it smells funny, run.

Would I recommend it? Absolutely. But if you’re not ready for spicy tears and potential bushmeat, just stick to the puff-puff.

Hey Luv, Waitttttttt. Feel More Crackko Vibe:

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