Let’s start with a question: Have you ever looked at a watermelon and thought, “Hmm, this would be better if it were square”? No? Well, that’s exactly what Japan did. While the rest of the world is content slicing round watermelons into triangles, Japan said, “Let’s reinvent geometry… with fruit.”
And guess what? A single square watermelon costs a whopping $200. Now, if you’re Nigerian, I can already see the calculations flying through your head. “₦300K for fruit? Will it drive me to work? Will it double as rent?” Hold on, because this gets crazier.

Why Do Square Watermelons Even Exist?
The origin story is as extra as you’d expect. Square watermelons were invented for vibes. Ok, not really—technically, they’re grown in square molds to make them easier to stack and store. But here’s the kicker: they’re mostly inedible because they’re harvested before they’re ripe to hold the perfect shape.

Translation: You’re paying ₦300k for décor. It’s the edible version of those expensive throw pillows nobody uses. Except this one doesn’t even bounce back when you throw it—it’s rock hard.
What Would Happen If Square Watermelons Came to Nigeria?
Now imagine importing these square beauties into Nigeria. The chaos would be immediate and unmatched:
- Alaba Boys Would Copy It in Two Weeks
Let’s not even kid ourselves. One week after they land, there’d be square-shaped agbalumo, palm wine in cube cartons, and “limited edition” okro. And best believe they’d slap “Made in Japan” stickers on them for clout. - Owambes Would Never Be the Same
Picture this: Aunties at a wedding fighting over who gets to take the centerpiece home, only for the square watermelon to replace the champagne tower. Someone’s Instagram caption would be, “Soft life watermelon for soft life girls.” - Flex Culture Would Explode
You think designer bags are a flex? Wait till someone at Elegushi Beach casually whips out a square watermelon from their picnic basket. “₦300k? Small thing. My square fruit has better credit than you.” - Nigerian Parents Would Judge You
“Ah-ah, so you have ₦300k to buy fruit, but you can’t send money home for fuel?” If there’s one thing Nigerian parents can sniff out, it’s financial recklessness. They’d roast you at family meetings for two decades straight. - TikTok Challenges Would Go Crazy
The hashtag #SquareMelonChallenge would trend for months. Nigerians would be competing to see who can turn their square watermelon into the craziest thing: a stool, a handbag, or even a wedding proposal box. “She said yes! But we’re keeping the melon.”
Would Nigerians Buy It? Absolutely.
Here’s the thing: we might laugh now, but square watermelons have the perfect mix of razz and boujee that Nigerians love. Imagine the ultimate flex: buying one to show off, then making watermelon smoothies while your neighbors are still eating basic round fruits.
What’s the Verdict?
Square watermelons are the epitome of extra, and we love them for it. But would you spend ₦300k on fruit you can’t eat? That’s the real question. If you wouldn’t, don’t worry—Aba boys are already working on the knockoff version. Watch out for “rectangle pawpaw” coming soon.
Hey Luv, Wait. Feel More Crackko Vibe:
For more weird and wonderful cultural surprises, check out our Global Quirks section.
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