In a world where jobs like “cereal taste tester” and “professional sleeper” exist, Nigerians never come last. But this one? This one has us shook. Meet Chibuike, Nigeria’s first-ever professional baby namer, who’s cashing out millions just by giving babies names.
Yes, you heard right—names. The kind parents used to find for free after fasting, a family meeting, or a quick glance at a Bible. Now? It’s a multi-million naira industry.
We’re not saying Chibuike is a fraud, but we need to ask: How does naming a child turn into a bankable career? And more importantly, can we join?
A Day in the Life of a Baby Naming Mogul
Chibuike describes himself as a “Name Consultant Extraordinaire” (NCE for short—Nigerians love titles). His clients? Everyone from high-flying Lagos elites to new-age parents who want their baby’s name to trend on TikTok before the first diaper change.
His workday includes “naming consultations” where he analyzes everything from the parents’ star signs to their financial goals. “A name can shape a destiny,” he says with a straight face, sipping zobo during the interview. “If you name your child ‘Godwin,’ their success is guaranteed. But name them ‘Failure,’ and you’ve blocked their destiny from birth. Simple.”
Chibuike offers packages too. For ₦1 million, you get the “Heaven-Sent Bundle,” which includes first and middle names, plus a bonus name to use on Instagram. Want a name that screams billionaire potential? That’ll cost you ₦5 million for the “Baby Dangote Deluxe.”
Why This Job Might Be a Hit in Nigeria
If there’s one thing Nigerians love, it’s drama. And let’s be real, baby naming has always been a big deal here.
- Religious FOMO: Every church auntie has insisted your child’s name must “glorify the Lord.” Chibuike’s service takes it a step further—he promises names that guarantee heavenly blessings and earthly success. Imagine naming your child Prophetic-Miracle Oluwadamilola. Who wouldn’t want to hire him?
- Cultural Flex: Nigerians don’t just name kids; they load names with meaning. Chibuike caters to this with tribal options like Adanna-Success (Igbo), Ireti-Blessing (Yoruba), and Efe-Fortune (Urhobo).
- Flexing Your Wealth: If you’re not naming your child with a million-naira consultation, are you even rich? His clients include parents who don’t just want kids—they want legacy.
But Wait, Would This Job Survive in Naija?
Now, let’s talk about the flop factor. Nigerians may love trends, but we also love cutting corners. Here’s why this might not work:
- Aso Rock Names on a Bole Budget: Most people will just Google “unique Nigerian baby names” for free. Why pay Chibuike when your grandma already has 10 names lined up?
- Too Many Middle Names Already: With names like Olumide-Jesus-Benedict-Adebayo, how much more can Chibuike really add? Nigerians don’t do subtle; we overload our children with names until their first school form runs out of space.
- Japa Parents: Nigerian parents abroad might prefer simpler names like Eli or Noah to avoid frustrating oyinbo teachers. (Omotolani-Benedicta? Forget it.)
The Reviews Are In
Still skeptical? Chibuike’s clients swear by his services:
- “He named my baby Kingdom-Prosper, and now my son is already trending on Instagram!”
- “His analysis was so accurate. My child now answers Success-Omoruyi, and we’re waiting for the billionaire vibes to kick in.”
- “I paid ₦5 million, and he gave us two solid names. Worth every kobo!”
Is This Nigeria’s Wildest Job Yet?
Whether you think it’s genius or plain absurd, one thing is clear: Chibuike is living the Gen Z dream—turning vibes and creativity into cash. And honestly, who wouldn’t want a slice of that pie? We’re not saying you should quit your day job and start naming babies, but if Chibuike can turn this into a career, maybe anything is possible in Naija.
So, what do you think? Would you pay ₦1 million for a “destiny-confirming” baby name? Or would you just stick to flipping through the Bible and saving your coins? Let us know in the comments—Divine-Wisdom Akintunde and Blessing-Chinonso Eze are watching.
Hey Luv, Wait. Feel More Crackko Vibe:
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