The Great State Garage Sale: Nigeria Edition
Imagine this: it’s the 1980s, and Nigeria’s national debt is skyrocketing faster than the price of plantain during rainy season. The country’s economy is in the trenches, oil prices have crashed, and someone in the government comes up with the wildest idea ever:
- “What if we just…sell a state? You know, like eBay, but for countries.”
Crazy, right? But here’s the thing—this isn’t entirely fiction. It’s rooted in whispers from historical events and wild conspiracy theories that almost feel too real to ignore.
So, buckle up as we reimagine what could’ve gone down if Nigeria decided to sell one of its states to clear its debts.

Act 1: Broke But Boujee
The year is 2025, and Nigeria’s debt has reached a level so high that even Elon Musk wouldn’t try to climb it. The government’s usual tactics aren’t working anymore—you can’t tax vibes, and printing naira only makes it look like Monopoly money. So, someone in a committee of Very Important People (a.k.a. the same people who’ve never fixed the unstable National grid) suggests:
- “Why not sell a state? It’s not like we’re using all of them properly anyway.”
At first, everyone laughs. Then, the minister for finance pulls out a PowerPoint presentation titled: “Ekiti: For Sale or Nah?”
Act 2: States On the Auction Block
But before the gavel drops, let’s examine the contenders on the chopping block and why they’ve been singled out. Brace yourself—this isn’t your typical property listing:
- Ekiti State: Known for pounded yam, but the international community doesn’t understand the appeal. They call it “mash with ambition.”
- Osun State: If Osun Osogbo Shrine is part of the package, it’s like buying cultural NFTs—exclusive and one-of-a-kind.
- Borno State: The government figures selling it might include handing over the stress of insurgency. Genius.
Each state is packaged with a “selling point” marketing video—complete with Afrobeats soundtracks, drone shots of the landscape, and Nollywood actors pretending to be locals. The tagline? “Buy a State, Save a Nation.”

Act 3: The Bidders Arrive
Countries from around the world arrive at Aso Rock—with briefcases of money and absurd offers. Here’s how it goes:
- China: Promises to turn the state into “Little Beijing” with six-lane expressways, bullet trains, and dumplings in every pot.
- The UK: Offers to “buy it back,” saying, “You’ll finally get free tea and scones.” Nigerians drag them on TikTok:
“Colonizers returning for seconds?! Nah.” - The USA: Comes in hot with an offer to build Disneyland…but only if they can also rename Lagos to Las Gidi.
Meanwhile, social media is absolutely unhinged. Nigerians are dropping memes like it’s the national sport. Someone tweets: “If China buys Ekiti, are we switching to Mandarin for Yoruba proverbs?”
Another chimes in: “Imagine explaining to your ancestors that your bride price now includes a side of dumplings.” TikTok is flooded with skits reenacting the “state auction,” featuring a Nollywood actor in a three-piece suit yelling, “Sold to the oyibo in the second row!”
The chaos is so addictive, even CNN covers it: “Nigeria’s Debt Auction: A Nation Meme-ing Its Way to Recovery.” One Nigerian tweets:
- “If China buys Ekiti, does that mean we’ll be eating Pounded Yam Bao Buns?”
Another responds: - “Abeg, tell UK to dash us Prince Harry as part of the deal!”

Act 4: The Lekki Tollgate Effect
As whispers of the “state auction” spread, Nigeria becomes a frenzy of reaction. In Lagos, activists take to the streets, armed with pots of jollof and placards reading, “States are for citizens, not clearance sales!” In Port Harcourt, fishermen block rivers with their canoes, chanting songs of defiance. Meanwhile, Twitter erupts with hashtags like #StatesNotForSale and #EkitiNotChina. Tension brews like a pot of pepper soup on full heat, with everyone waiting to see who will make the next move. In Lagos, people block roads with jollof pots, pounding yam in unison while chanting:
- “No state, no sale!”
In Ibadan, the legendary Amala Skirmish occurs—where protesters throw bowls of hot gbegiri soup at officials trying to market their “State Sales Initiative.” Meanwhile, Herbert Macaulay’s hologram appears in Abuja, giving a fiery speech:
- “The land of my ancestors is not a Black Friday deal!”
Act 5: Plot Twist: There’s Oil…Again
As the auctioneer’s gavel hovers mid-air for the final strike, an NYSC corper—rumored to have the worst sense of direction in camp history—accidentally uncovers a colossal underground oil reserve in one of the auctioned states while searching for the parade ground.
The crowd freezes, the silence thicker than okra soup, before exploding into a frenzy of disbelief, laughter, and wild speculation. Twitter instantly erupts: “This corper deserves a national monument!” Headlines explode:
- “Ekiti’s Secret Oil Boom Discovered by Copper-Laden Corper!”
The government immediately halts the sale. The President declares:
- “Yo yo yo, we were kidding…but seriously, NEPA is still for sale if anyone is interested.”

Hey Luv, Wait. Feel More Crackko Vibe:
For more modern takes on historical events, dive into our History Reimagined stories.
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