Welcome to the Internet’s Secret Experiment (You’re the Test Subject)
Be honest—have you ever randomly thought about buying a blender, and suddenly, your entire feed is showing you blender ads? Not just on Instagram, but on Twitter, TikTok, and even WhatsApp status?
Or have you ever caught yourself refreshing an app every five minutes, even though nothing new is happening?
Congratulations, dear citizen. You are officially a test subject in the greatest psychological experiment of our time. The app developers are in a secret lab somewhere, watching us like: “Fascinating. The subject has once again opened Tiktok for no reason.”
But let’s investigate further—is social media really just vibes, or are we all unpaid participants in a simulation we never signed up for?

1. The Algorithm Knows You Better Than Your Mother
Have you ever noticed that social media doesn’t just show you what you like—it shows you what you fear, crave, or secretly hate?
- You watched one dog video? Congratulations, you now live in Dog TikTok.
- You liked one post about Lagos rent? Now your feed is full of listings you still can’t afford.
- You searched “how to be productive”? Now you’re seeing billionaire hustle bros telling you to wake up at 4 AM.
At this point, our phones know us better than our mothers. And I fear what they’re collecting for The Experiment.
2. The “Like” Button is Controlling Our Lives
Before social media, nobody cared if 200 people approved of their random thoughts. Now, if your tweet doesn’t get engagement, you start questioning your entire existence.
- Less than 10 likes? Delete it, pretend it never happened.
- 100+ likes? You’re suddenly a philosopher.
- 1,000+ likes? Time to drop a thread like you’re an expert.
At this point, we’re all just performing for engagement. Even our problems have become content:
- Lost your job? Turn it into a LinkedIn motivational post.
- Heartbreak? Write a sad Twitter thread so people can say, “Stay strong, King/Queen.”
- Just got scammed? Congratulations, you’ve now entered “Story Time” TikTok.
Everything is data for The Experiment.
3. Nobody Actually Likes Each Other, We Just Like Engagement
Have you noticed how people only interact with their “friends” when they post something? Friendships now operate on a ‘like for like’ basis.
- If they don’t like your post, do they even care about you?
- If they don’t comment “You ate!!!” under your selfie, do they secretly hate you?
- If your post flops, did it even happen?
At this point, even relationships are based on the algorithm. If your partner isn’t posting or talking about you, are you even in a relationship?

4. Nigerians Are the Ultimate Test Subjects
Have you ever wondered why Nigeria is the most unserious country online? If there’s a new app, trend, or challenge, we will find a way to turn it into pure chaos.
- Elon Musk introduces Twitter verification? Nigerians immediately start selling blue ticks like recharge cards.
- Instagram rolls out Notes? Nigerians turn it into the new Gossip Headquarters.
- AI-generated images? Before America could finish saying “technology,” Nigerians were already making fake visa approvals.
We are the most chaotic test subjects in this experiment. And I fear the scientists are just watching us for entertainment.
5. Leaked Report from the Federal Ministry of Social Media Manipulation
A recently “leaked” document has confirmed our worst fears: every viral trend is actually a test to measure our stupidity.
- The Ice Bucket Challenge? A test to see how fast humans will pour cold water on themselves for clout.
- “God Abeg” trending every week? A case study on how Nigerians cope with collective suffering.
- Twitter Wars? Scientists are analyzing how long people can argue over something they’ll forget in 10 minutes—and remember during a “This you??” moment.
And the worst part? We participate freely.
6. Symptoms of Being a Test Subject (A Checklist)
How deep are you in The Experiment? Let’s find out.


Symptom | Level of Experimentation |
---|---|
You check your phone before brushing your teeth | Beginner Lab Rat |
You see “God Abeg” trending and immediately click | Test Subject Level 2 |
You refresh an app every five minutes for no reason | Fully Conditioned |
You tweet “I hate this app” but never log out | Beyond Saving |
If you relate to 3 or more symptoms, congratulations—you are now eligible for Advanced Test Subject benefits, including:
- Daily brainwashing by the algorithm.
- Uncontrollable urge to argue with strangers online.
- Zero chance of logging out anytime soon.
7. Final Verdict: Are We the Lab Rats?
Short answer? Yes.
Long answer? Also yes.
Social media is a full-blown psychological experiment, and we are actively participating like unpaid interns.
But the real gag? We don’t even want to log out. 😂
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