Scene 1: The Garden Wahala – Adam & Eve Don Chop Breakfast

E be like film trick. Adam wake up, stretch body, and see Eve for the first time. Baba shock.

ADAM: “Omo! See as you fine! You be my personal rib abeg.” EVE: “Awww. But wait o, who be this snake wey dey yan anyhow?”

Enter serpent, rocking dark shades like Lagos Yahoo boy, chewing gum like he get contract for Lekki.

SERPENT: “Babes, this fruit go make you wise. No dull yourself.” EVE: “Ehn? Wise ke? As per big-brain energy?” SERPENT: “Na so. You go sabi good and bad.”

Eve reason am. She take one small bite. Then another. Next thing, she pass one to Adam like say na plantain chips.

BREAKING NEWS: Adam and Eve don chop premium breakfast. Expulsion loading.

Plotting Evil Laugh Funny Gif

GOD (booming voice from heaven): “AH! Who tell una say una dey naked?” ADAM: “Ehn? Uhm… We just dey do hide and seek, Baba.”

God no gree. Adam and Eve collect eviction notice. Angel Gabriel show face with flaming sword like LASTMA official ready to impound their destiny.

Scene 2: David vs. Goliath – ‘Stone Wey No Miss Road’

Goliath enter battlefield with full confidence, chest out like person wey just collect new gym membership.

GOLIATH: “Who wan try me? Abi una dey craze?”

Israelites don lock up. Nobody gree talk. Then David, one small shepherd boy with zero muscle but 100% cruise, step out.

DAVID: “Omo, make una chill. I go settle this matter.”

David pick stone. Spin slingshot. Release.

SLOW MOTION ALERT. Stone fly like Wizkid verse on international collabo. Land Gbam! Direct for Goliath forehead.

GOLIATH: “Egbami!” (Collapses like PHCN light during the interesting part of your favorite series.)

Israelites go wild. Hype man Prophet Samuel grab mic: “Somebody scream DAVIIIIIDDD!!!”

Scene 3: Jesus & The Wedding Turn-Up – ‘Water to Zobo’

Location: One big Naija wedding. Mary don dey reason logistics.

MARY: “Jesus, wahala dey! Wine don finish!” JESUS: “Mummy abeg, no disturb me. I dey enjoy this jollof.” MARY: “Do something abeg.” JESUS: “Oya, make dem bring water.”

Stewards carry kegs of water. Jesus touch am. Next thing, water don turn to correct red wine.

WEDDING MC: “Ladies and gentlemen, make some noise! Wine don land!”

Crowd shout: “JESUS FOR PRESIDENT!”

Even Pharaoh sef go hail am.

Scene 4: WhatsApp Group Leaks – Disciples’ GC

GROUP NAME: “Kingdom Boys HQ 💫🔥”

🔹 Peter: “Omo, Jesus just feed 5000 people with five bread & two fish. Wahala for who no believe!” 🔹 John: “No cap! That fish sweet die.”

🔹 Judas: “Ehen… But wetin happen to the balance offering money? Asking for a friend.” 🔹 Jesus (admin): “Judas, rest abeg.”

🔹 Thomas: “Guys, abeg who get evidence? E fit be fake news.”

🔹 Peter: “Thomas, abeg shift.”

Scene 5: The Naija ‘What If’ Ending

Imagine say Naija people dey Bible times…

  • Joseph brothers no go sell am—dem go use am collect student loan.
  • Pharaoh no go chase Moses—him go just increase tax.
  • Sodom & Gomorrah for survive—if dem get strong political godfather.
  • Lazarus no for die—one Instagram herbalist for don do “Buy One Get One Free” healing promo.

As Naija be? Wahala no dey finish. 😂😂😂

Final Thoughts

If Bible dey Naija Pidgin, e for sweet die! Imagine say Jesus dey preach like street motivational speaker:

“Make una love one another! No be every wahala una go put hand inside! If person slap you, ehn… Just breathe abeg.”

Omo, Naija Bible go loud o! 🔥😂

Categorized in:

Uncategorized