Some days you wake up and just know the universe has it out for you. This was one of those days. I had a job interview — and not just any job interview — a remote one for a big-shot company.
You know, the type where they say things like “competitive environment” and “innovative solutions” but really mean “we’ll overwork you and give you pizza once a year.”
I was prepared. Suit on top, shorts on the bottom, CV polished, and a prayer whispered to avoid disgrace. My Nigerian parents had already blessed me with a motivational pep talk:
“Don’t go there and pour sand in your own garri!”
I was ready to conquer. Or so I thought.
The Calm Before the Storm
The interview started smoothly. The panel looked serious — stiff blazers, stern faces, and voices so formal they probably iron their socks.
I introduced myself confidently:
“Good morning, I’m Tobi, and I’m passionate about—”
Then, out of nowhere, I heard it.
The Speaker of Doom
A voice boomed from my Bluetooth speaker:
“AYEEE! SHAKE THAT YANSH! SHAKE IT!”
I froze. My soul left my body, did a lap around the room, and came back. My Bluetooth speaker — the one I forgot was still connected — was blasting a pure club banger. And not just any banger. One with premium booty-shaking energy.
My brain screamed:
“WHY IS THIS HAPPENING?!”
The interviewers stared at me, wide-eyed. One of them actually gasped. My speaker, clearly in demonic collaboration, didn’t stop.
“IF YOU NO GET YANSH, NO DEY SHAKE!”
My Life Was Over
I scrambled like a man possessed, knocking over everything in my path: laptop, books, one innocent cup of tea. The speaker rolled under the bed, still hyping imaginary yanshes. I finally disconnected it, panting like I’d run a marathon.
“I… I’m so sorry,” I stammered.
“That was… motivational music?”
The panel blinked. One man adjusted his glasses like he was reconsidering his life choices.
This ultimate fail made us remember “Lights, Camera… Ex? The Day I Shot My Ex’s Wedding and Became a Petty Legend“
The Inevitable Question
The lead interviewer coughed and said, “So, Tobi… you mentioned being a team player?”
My brain, still overheating, chose violence.
“Yes! I’m great at… shaking things up?”
Why did I say that? WHY?!
The Aftermath: Ghosting Galore
I didn’t get the job. Obviously. The only feedback I got was an email that started with “Thank you for your time” and ended with “We wish you the best in your future endeavors.”
Translation? “You’ll never work here, booty boy.”
Moral of the Story
- Disconnect all Bluetooth devices before important calls.
- The universe has a sense of humor — and it’s not on your side.
- If you must shake something, let it be your sense of responsibility.
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