How I Became a Clown in the Supermarket Trying to ‘Adult’

You know those moments when you think you’re grown, you feel grown, and life decides to hit you with a plot twist so embarrassing you consider changing continents?

Yeah. This is that story.

The Grand Plan: Becoming an Independent Adult

I woke up one Saturday feeling like a responsible human being. I told myself, “Today, you’ll adult properly.”

No more:

  • Calling my mom for advice on which detergent to buy.
  • Eating Indomie three times a day.
  • Ignoring the fact that my fridge only had pure water and bad decisions.

Today was the day I’d do a “proper” grocery run. I even made a list: eggs, rice, vegetables… you know, balanced stuff. I wore my best “I’m-an-adult” outfit (a button-down shirt and jeans that didn’t have holes). I was ready to conquer the world — or at least my local supermarket.

But my ancestors were already laughing.

Genevieve Nnaji nollywood meme

The Shopping Cart Chronicles

I swagger into the supermarket like I own it, grab a cart, and start tossing in mature items — stuff that makes you feel like you’ve got life figured out:

  1. Broccoli. Never eaten it, but I’ve seen it in fitness reels.
  2. Quinoa. (I still can’t pronounce it.)
  3. Oat milk. Because dairy is “so last season.”

As I glide through the aisles, I’m making eye contact with other shoppers like:
“Yeah, I’m that girl. Health is wealth.”

But the deeper I go, the louder reality starts screaming. My list is getting longer, and my wallet is feeling lighter.

The Check-Out Horror

By the time I get to the checkout counter, my cart looks like I’m preparing for the End Times:
Two types of cereal (because adulting is stressful), overpriced kale, juice boxes (for my inner child), and some snacks that whispered my name.

The cashier scans each item, and with every beep, I feel my bank account taking body shots.

She gives me the total: “₦55,800.”

Excuse me, ₦WHAT?!

My spirit leaves my body. I start calculating my life choices. My brain is doing the math like:

  • “₦55k? That’s like 16 suya plates.”
  • “Do I really need broccoli? It’s just green cauliflower.”
  • “Quinoa? Abeg, rice is rice.”
Woman Tired Meme

The Moment of Truth

I swipe my card with confidence I do not have. The POS machine does its little “connecting…” dance. And then…

“Transaction Declined.”

I laugh nervously. The cashier stares at me. The people in line are now very interested in my life story.

I try again.
And again.

The machine says: “Oga, go home.”

The Walk of Shame

I’m standing there, sweating, knowing I have two options:

  1. Call my mom. (She’ll roast me for an hour first.)
  2. Pretend this never happened.

I mumble: “Sorry, I’ll just take the eggs and Indomie.”
The cashier nods like she’s seen this tragedy many times before.

I leave the supermarket with my two sad items in a tiny bag, avoiding eye contact like I’m in Squid Game.

The Aftermath

As I walk home, I realize:

  • I am not in my ‘Independent Babe’ era.
  • Adulting is just paying for things and wondering where your money went.
  • Next time, I’m sticking to my roots: rice, beans, and vibes.

And maybe… just maybe, I’ll wait until my bank account can survive a quinoa attack.

Your card declining might seem bad, but if it didn’t dey, it didn’t dey. These stories take embarrassment to a whole new level. For more hilarious mishaps and life fails, explore The ‘Oops!’ Chronicles section.

TL;DR:

I tried to be a grown-up, but my wallet said, “Calm down, junior.” Now I’m just a humble adult-in-training, surviving on Indomie and broken dreams.

Your Turn:

What’s your most embarrassing adulting fail? Drop it below — let’s bond over the struggle.

Categorized in:

The “Oops!” Chronicles

Tagged in:

,